The Many Themes of House
by Boo's House
Summary: This is a collection of short stories pulled from the Themes of House lists that float around. Some of the stories are very light. Some are much more serious. None of them are long enough, in my opinion, to publish as individual stories. Rated teen, but some of the stories are appropriate for all ages.
1. Chapter 1

_This introduction is House summed up as concisely and inaccurately as possible. Henry Higgins is the male main character in the play Pygmalion and the musical My Fair Lady. If you are unfamiliar with these, check them out! Subsequent chapters will be longer._

_**160 Themes of House by Boo**_

** Introduction **

House was a quiet and unassuming man. He never demanded of anyone what he wouldn't demand of himself. He was charitable, sensitive, and empathetic. He was all of these things in the manner of Henry Higgins.


	2. Naughty, But Nice

_**House felt the need to be kind...**_

_**Naughty but nice**_

House knew that certain things were against the rules. Like "You don't walk in when the stethoscope is on the doorknob", and "It isn't nice to just take food off of your best friend's plate" and "You don't comment on Cuddy's cleavage during a board meeting when the hearing is about you." The problem was, these rules were really fun to break! He loved the rise he got from the people that he tormented.

On this occasion, the rule involved "breaking and entering." It was Mother's Day and House knew that Cuddy was out for the day. She had planned a Mommy - Daughter day with Rachel for their first Mother's Day together.

House had arrived at the scene of the crime. Once out of the car, he stole the key from its obvious hiding place and then, unlocked the door and stealthily entered.

First, he went to the kitchen and placed a bottle of the wine she liked best in the refrigerator. He placed a wine glass on the counter to put the idea of wine into Cuddy's head. He attached a note around the stem with pink ribbon that said:

_From your favorite antagonist: _

_May this bottle of wine be like Mother's milk to your weary soul! _

Next, House grinned widely as he entered her bathroom. She had obviously needed to run to Rachel, because she had left her "unmentionables" scattered on the floor and forgotten about them. There he placed a bottle of bubble bath on the edge of her tub. Here a note said:

_Even Mommies need Pamper(er)s! _

Rachel's room was next. On the wall, above her changing table House placed a framed picture that someone had taken of the first time he held the baby. House was nose to nose with her and they looked like they didn't know what to make of each other. House still felt the same way, but he was beginning to adjust a little. Well, enough to know, anyway, that if he had to accept the baby in order to keep Lisa in his life then, he would.

This time the note said:

_Mommy, who's that funny looking man? _

Finally, House entered her bedroom. "The inner sanctum," he whispered to himself with glee.

On her bed he placed a box of her favorite candy and a dozen pink and red roses.

_Six from your tiny baby;_  
_Six from your big baby; _  
_Neither of our lives would be the same without you. _

House left Cuddy's house with a mixed sense of accomplishment and anxiety. He knew that she would know that he had given the gifts. She would also know that he had entered her place without permission. He hoped it would make up some for the grief that he had given her since she got Rachel.


	3. All By Myself

I was at a Graduation Open House and the word "alone" came to mind. "All By Myself " was the theme that came the closest...

**_All by Myself_**

Watching life from the sidelines was never what House wanted to do. Before the infarction, although selective about friendships, he had his circle of friends. He understood them and they understood him. It was friendly, yet not deep enough to scrape the wounded places he carried within himself. House had been comfortable.

Since the infarction, life had changed. Those he cared about, he kept at arm's length, unwilling to taint them with the pain he endured on a daily basis. They didn't need to suffer, too; and to be in House's presence now, was indeed to suffer. He didn't feel that he could sustain a relationship because his body was consumed with pain. It made him sarcastic, impatient, and aloof. If he cared enough about a person to want to be with them he cared enough about them to keep his distance and just watch.

Sometimes the people he cared about entered into his life despite the barriers he built to keep them out. The bravest and most persistent were James Wilson and Lisa Cuddy. They were the ones he liked best and wanted to protect most, yet these were the two who always ignored the barriers as though they didn't exist. For some reason they chose to believe they were "House-proof" and his sarcasm, impatience, and aloofness just sloughed off of them as though they were unaware that these qualities existed in their friend. House had given up eventually on keeping these two at arms length, but he lived in fear that one day they would reach their limit and walk away. A few times he was certain they had reached that point but they had always returned.

So, House continued to think of himself as "all by myself" because he felt that he should be prepared for the inevitable – that Wilson and Cuddy would realize that he was never worth the pain that he put them through. They would wake up one day and say to themselves, "What was I thinking to care for this heartless S.O.B?" Then he really would be alone and "All by myself" as he deserved.


	4. I Can't

_**Another sad one! I hope it conveys the pain and frustration that House must feel as he deals with life at Mayfield.**_

**I Can't**

House had been within the walls of Mayfield long enough to realize that his own self imposed walls needed to start coming down. He had been discussing with his shrink the possibility that in order to survive a tumultuous life with his parents, he had created his own rules that had been needlessly carried into adulthood. The rule they were examining was written on a white board:

**"If I develop a positive relationship with a patient or I feel too good, I will be unable to make a correct diagnosis."**

Of course that couldn't have been the rule when he was a child but it had certainly evolved over time into the rule that he now clung to and currently sought evidence for. It was breaking this very rule that made House realize that his commitment to Mayfield was necessary. He took a deep breath and began as his shrink sat back and listened.

"I don't remember when I started thinking this way. I do believe it was after Cuddy and Stacy conspired to butcher my leg." House spoke how he felt, because there was no one there who he felt the need to protect. "After that everything looked gray to me, and nothing has looked bright since; that is, unless you count my recent delusion with Cuddy. That looked **_very _**bright, **_very_** promising…." House stopped his pacing and smiled. "There, you see, I felt good and missed that man's pancreatic cancer and was useless in that other case. All because I believed that I love Cuddy."

The Shrink started to make a comment, but House talked right over him.

"My mom believed that she loved my dad. She must have been delusional, too, to love an S.O.B. like that. My mom loved me, loves me, but she couldn't protect me from him. The more she tried, the worse it got for the both of us. She couldn't invest in me because in the long run that made my dad more abusive."

House abruptly sat down.

"She couldn't invest in me, because when she invested, I got hurt." House looked at the rule on the whiteboard. "Maybe that rule was taken from my mom's example. She used the rule herself when she chose to 'protect me' by standing on the sidelines and watching while my dad abused me. She couldn't win. I can't win.

"I'm not safe. I can't function without the drugs, I can't function with the delusions, and I can't function when I realize that the person who loves me the most, and who I love the most betrayed me with the lie that she was not only helpless to protect me, but helping to defend me when she chose not to intervene!"

House buried his head in his hands and then stood and walked to the white board.

He continued his rant as he pounded black words onto the whiteboard.

"My mom was a _**coward**_! She _**refused to protect **_me! She could have _**left him**_ and _**taken me**_, too! Why couldn't she _**love**_ me more than she was _**scared**_ _**of him**_?"

House dropped the marker and stared at the shrink.

"Why…? I don't understand. _**I can't**_…."


	5. Cheeky Monkey

_**This is written from Wilson's perspective. **_

**Cheeky Monkey**

Wilson had allowed House to sponge off of him and steal his food for years. As a matter of fact, it had gone on for so long, that unless he was in a particularly foul mood, Wilson didn't even give it a thought. Today Wilson was in a foul mood. It was nearing lunchtime and he couldn't stand the thought of House getting near his tray. To make matters worse, the oncologist could hear House in his office whistling more cheerfully with every minute it got closer to mealtime. There was nothing worse than House in a good mood when Wilson was in a bad mood, because it was the direct opposite of the _status quo_.

"There is no time like the present to put a stop to this filching," Wilson thought to himself. "I'm going to put an end to this once and for all!"

Then, Wilson leaned back in his chair to give the situation some thought. He could sneak out and go some place different to eat, but that would be too much like running away. He had no intention of running from a gimp. He could poison his food and finish off the "House problem" once and for all, but that seemed too drastic. He could "doctor" his food so that when House stole it, it would have negative results! Now…maybe he had something there! He could sneak Hot sauce into House's Reuben. Put Ex-lax in his chocolate cake. Even threaten that he had done something terrible to House's food that he hadn't really done, just to scare him away!

Now, Wilson had a different problem. He wasn't feeling foul anymore. He was amused! He wanted to have lunch with House and he wanted to think about all of the things that he had just thought of doing to him as he watched House eat. He might even make some comments as he watched House eat because, right now, he was feeling like a really "cheeky monkey!"


	6. Truth is Stranger than Fiction

_**This theme was written in March of 2010. It turns out that this is my take on what could have been.**_

**Truth is Stranger than Fiction**

Marriage had always seemed a very odd institution to House. A person chose to legally bind themselves to another in order to freely and without reservation share and explore a life together. Most people he had known had divorced. Some just once, but others, like Wilson had gone down that road multiple times. The one thing they all had in common was that when they publicly made the commitment of marriage, they all believed that it would last throughout their lifetime. Not a single one of them had believed that it was a temporary arrangement. Yet, there it was. Not a single marriage had lasted… except one.

No one had believed that it would last. The individuals involved were just that. Individuals. Both were headstrong, stubborn, and unrelenting in their beliefs. They all had laughed and teased each other about these traits as the marriages had taken place.

First, there was Chase and Cameron. Their marriage wasn't really unexpected, although there had been speculation about the speed in which it took place after their baby had been born nearly nine months to the day after the wedding. Even the happy couple wasn't sure if Cameron had been pregnant before the ceremony! Everyone believed that if there was such a thing as a "match made in heaven" this was what it must look like!

Next had been Foreman and Thirteen. No one was more surprised than they when it happened. Thirteen's Huntington's was the thing that had bound them together. They were thrilled when the discovery had been made that cured the disease. Remy was one of the first people to receive the cure. It was difficult and painful but Foreman had stood by her side throughout the entire ordeal and they had married to celebrate her cure and their future together. It turned out that Foreman was a "rescuer" though, and once Remy didn't need to be rescued, Foreman moved on to someone else who needed a hero.

After Amber, Wilson had never married. He had explored some relationships but nothing had come close to what he had in those few months with her. He stayed in her apartment and had become friendly with Amber's family. When he was with them he felt like he was stepping closer to his only true love. Wilson always said that if the right someone was to come along, he would gladly move on with her; but the years passed and Wilson remained single. Once he had come to terms with her loss, he had found his happiness in his friends, his career and his faith. No one felt the need to pity him because he was, indeed, a truly happy person!

House and Cuddy was the match that caused people to roll their eyes because no one understood them. They married after House turned fifty and, once again, like the Chases, the baby came so soon after the wedding, that their friends accused them of House needing to marry Lisa in order to make an honest woman of her! They would smile and look at each other when the topic came up, but they never dignified the question with a response. Dr. House maintained that it was nobody's business and the other Dr. House lent support. It was their favorite secret! House kept his apartment and both House and Cuddy stayed there frequently; alone and separately, sometimes for long periods of time. It was during those periods that rumors would fly about the stability of the House marriage. They had five children in seven years. Lisa wanted a boy for House after the three girls and so they tried one last time for a boy. House maintained that he got two more girls because God held grudges against people who were smarter than Him.

In their eighth year of marriage, Lisa became ill. She experienced daily nausea, frequent urination, abdominal tenderness, dizziness and unexplained weight gain. With heavy hearts they went to see their friend Dr. Wilson. Although he had known them for years and recommended someone less emotionally involved, Lisa and Greg insisted that their friend take the case. After a thorough case history it was time to begin the differential and the testing. Wilson examined Lisa and since it was easy, available, and relatively fast, Wilson suggested an ultrasound. House and Lisa agreed with a silent, somber nod and the test began. Afraid of what they might see, Lisa and Greg looked deeply into each other's eyes and refused to look at the monitor. After what seemed like a very long time, Wilson spoke.

"Greg, Lisa, I've seen this sort of thing before. It's fast growing and there's nothing that I can do for you."

"What is it James?" Lisa asked, with a quiver in her voice.

The doctor responded, "A boy."

Greg regained consciousness a few moments later and gave Lisa a hug and a kiss before Wilson stitched up his head.

Sure enough, four and a half months later the Houses welcomed a baby boy into their very, very large family! They named him James.

Years passed, and this group of people moved from co-workers into friendship and eventually thought of each other as family. Past differences were forgiven and new spouses were welcomed. House, Cuddy and Wilson were the head, the cornerstone, of what was affectionately called the "House-hold." Happily, these families celebrated their holidays as one. Birthdays, anniversaries, ballgames reunions, were all excuses to be together. Allison and Robert's oldest son married Greg and Lisa's oldest daughter and together they celebrated the birth of their first grandchild.

Grandpa Greg and Grandpa James were the instigators of most of the trouble that occurred. Lisa blamed her white hair on those two men rather than her age. House was pleased that the great grandkids called Lisa "Granny Fun Bags," thanks to his coaching. They called Greg "Grandpa S.O.B," with a little help from Lisa. The parents of these children were just waiting for the day the children figured out what these names meant, and they were hoping that it didn't happen at school in front of a teacher!

They were together today to celebrate House and Cuddy's fortieth wedding anniversary. And to think nobody had expected it to last! Everyone had bet on Allison and Robert to last the longest but they had divorced and remarried each other so many times that nobody kept track any more.

When asked by a local reporter what their secret to success was, House replied:

"There's no secret! We fight and make up and we always make sure that the making up lasts longer that the fighting!"

"That's all?" queried the reporter.

"If you heard the story I would tell you, you wouldn't believe me anyway, because sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction."

* * *

_**I was one of those people who wanted Huddy in the worst way. I wasn't looking for wine and roses, but when we got what we got it was certain that I didn't want that either. I think that they could have made it work and it made me very sad when I realized that it was doomed from the start**_


End file.
